I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
