Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
