That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
