I am puke
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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