Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
