sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
