I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
