Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
