Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
