at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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