I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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