actually, I'm a sock model
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
