Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
