drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
