Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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