Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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