You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
