is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
