I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
