I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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