i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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