Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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