my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
