she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
