The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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