god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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