I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
