I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
