I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
