Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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