shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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