If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Pooping to opera.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
