I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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