White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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