She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
