If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
