She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
