can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
