doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
