So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
