im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
