I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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