A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're too hungover to prance.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
