chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
