and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Drunk is not a location!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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