part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
