i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
