i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
