There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
