my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
