I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize