Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
