When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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