I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
