i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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