hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
