We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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