I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
