Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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