so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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