I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
