So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
