My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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