I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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