I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
