Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
