I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
