He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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