Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
