dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
