You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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