in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
