What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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