I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
