i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Enjoy the penises
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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