So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
