Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
