did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize