I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
