I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
