At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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