So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Who died my cat blue again?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
