It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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