My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize