I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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