A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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