she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
