I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Two words: blizzard sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
