ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
