im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
