One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
