i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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