how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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