Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize