I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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