You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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