worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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