worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
