I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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