if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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