i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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